Why I Am A Vampire

Good luck trying to figure out how much of this is ironic. 

1. I wear creepy black clothing.
2. Blood is pretty cool tbh.
3. I hate garlic.
4. I'm definitely a night person.
5. If I wear enough lipstick, I'll look like I've been drinking blood.
6. I am an old soul.
7. I have the hair.
8. Mirrors are not my friend. Neither are cameras.
9. Urgh no. No fire. God no.
10. My relationship with God.
11. Dramatic monalogues.
12. I'm trying to infect others, I swear.
13. Capes.
14. I'm pretty sure I have a friend who's a werewolf.
15. I sparkle in the sun.
16. I would totes lure lost travellers into my castle so I can drink their blood.