Why I Am A Vampire

Good luck trying to figure out how much of this is ironic. 

1. I wear creepy black clothing.
2. Blood is pretty cool tbh.
3. I hate garlic.
4. I'm definitely a night person.
5. If I wear enough lipstick, I'll look like I've been drinking blood.
6. I am an old soul.
7. I have the hair.
8. Mirrors are not my friend. Neither are cameras.
9. Urgh no. No fire. God no.
10. My relationship with God.
11. Dramatic monalogues.
12. I'm trying to infect others, I swear.
13. Capes.
14. I'm pretty sure I have a friend who's a werewolf.
15. I sparkle in the sun.
16. I would totes lure lost travellers into my castle so I can drink their blood.

Why I Hate Halloween

I like Halloween, but I also hate it. Everyone assumes I'm all about it because I'm relatively freaky. I threaten to kill people with stationery. Not the case. Here's why:

1. Everyone dresses the way I dress every other day of the year. 
2. I am no longer unique because of this.
3. I get nothing.
4. It's not an actual holiday. Do I get to stay home? No. Do I get a half day? No. I GET NOTHING.
5. The decorations. Is that an actual skeleton or a real one. If it's real, can I have it.
6. I always get really disappointed when I realise it's fake blood.
7. I'm too old to go trick or treating.
8. I have to give candy out to little kids.
9. Girls who take it as an excuse to wear bikinis and heels. We're not in California.
10. How are they not getting in detention?!?!
11. Everyone expects me to go over the top. I'll push them off the top of the fifth floor.
12. It's so short. Why, it'd be nice if Halloween was in winter so that those girls can freeze to death or something. Or in the middle of summer so that they can burn since winter doesn't work properly here.
13. It still isn't appropriate for me to threaten to stab someone with scissors. 
14. 'quirky' costumes. Why are you dressed as a cheeto? 

Update On The Swearing Contest

Yeah, it's cancelled, because we swear wayyyy too much.

E Gets Deep: When You're A Girl

when you're a girl
you're told to smile
when you're a girl
you're told to stay silent
told to hide
told to be agreeable -
told to keep the peace.

when you're a girl you're told
to stop fighting
your brother.
Your brother  isn't told
to stop fighting
you.

when you're a girl you're told
to be afraid.
afraid of the dark
afraid of saying something wrong
afraid of standing out.
because we are taught that our value
is in how silent we can be.

when you're a girl you're told
to persevere
to hide your pain
to be agreeable
to be soft
to keep the peace
and to keep our hearts open

when you're a girl you're told
that you must want love
that you must love
and to do anything for love.

when you're a girl you're told
that you are broken
if you do not love

when you're a girl you're told
that you are worth nothing
because you are not loved.

when you're a girl you're told
that it is normal to hate yourselves
in the hopes that someone will love you.
validate you.

when you're a girl you're told
that if you love yourself
you are arrogant.

when you're a girl you are told
that if you want to be alone
you are a freak

when you're a girl you are told
that if you stand up
you're loud and obnoxious.

when you're a girl you are told
that if a boy loves himself
he's confident.

when you're a girl you are told
that if a boy wants to be alone
he's mysterious and intriguing.

when you're a girl you are told
that your emotions are weak
but you cannot be cold.

when you're a girl you are told
that you have to be warm
without emotion.

when you're a girl you are told
to take what you are given
and to never expect anything

when you're a girl you are told
that your value
is in other people
that only others can tell you
your worth.

when you're a girl you are told
that you are a bitch
for breaking up with a boy.

when you're a girl you are told
that if you're broken up on
you can't fall in love again

when you're a girl you are told
that if you like someone else
it immediately becomes love

when you're a girl you are told
that if you don't want love
you're crazy.

when you're a girl you are told
that if you have male friends
you are a slut.

when you're a girl you are told
that your body is an object
that has to be hidden
because it may be a distraction to boys

when you're a girl you are told
that you are capable of distracting boys
and must therefore
be hidden.

when you're a girl you are told
to listen to others
and to not speak.
well screw that.

Periods.

(to male readers.. sorry, I guess. Nope. I'm not sorry.)
Girls have to handle periods. Fact of life. Sorry.
But how does one avoid it? I have the answers right here.

a) get pregnant then handle 18 years of a pain in the arse as well as your periods.
b) get so unhealthy that it is physically impossible to have a period.
c) wait for menopause... that's.... in your 50s. If you're lucky.
d) die.

This has been a comprehensive list of methods to avoid your period.
I wish you luck in your future endeavours.

101 Things to Do

So lately I feel so unmotivated and sad and empty and unexciting. Here's a list of 101 things I want to do (hopefully I'll be able to check off most of them by the end of 2014).

1. Get a skateboard and do an ollie!
2. Run up an escalator the wrong way
3. Make an origami crane. 
4. Like someone and let them know (UPDATE: I might actually go through with this because I have no dignity left.)
5. Write down an awesome dream and do something creative with it. 
6. Feed that white tiger again!! 
7. Make at least 3 videos!
8. Learn to play and sing a song on the piano
9. Finish the Maze Runner Game
10. Failed parkour attempt?
11. Get rly involved in a school club and be recognized for it
12. Paint something good enough that could be hung on a wall
13. Learn to whistle
14. Ouija board!
15. Learn to juggle!
16. Have an awesome performance w/o stage fright!
17. Get fit!
18. Make the honor roll?
19. Watch Breaking Bad, Downton Abbey, Suits S4, Dexter, Hannibal S2, Modern Family, Selfie, Supernatural S10
20. Pull a prank on someone 
21. Have perfect makeup for a day (perf winged eyeliner and eyebrows)
22. Get full points on a game of QuizUp
23. Write a short story
24. Help him with that movie, make it awesome!
25. make an awesome logo in Illustrator
26. Make an awesome Flash proj
27. 
    

Hi, it's 1:17 A.M. and I've only came up with 20 things to do but hopefully I'll come up with more. 

Things I Learnt In High School

1. Don't go to school if you're sick, it'll make you feel 123706427054x more sick.
2. Don't miss school because then you'll fail everything.
3. How to sleep in classes without teachers noticing.
4. How to use your phone in class without teachers noticing.
5. How to discreetly listen to music.
6. Magical techniques to drink things that aren't water in class.
7. The amount of concealer needed to cover the shadows.
8. Don't bother combing your hair.
9. I may be drunk/high/dead/sleep deprived, but I'm in class.
10. No one likes you.
11. I'm sorry.
12. The amount of sugar essential to a normal level of energy.
13. Nope.
14. Nope.
15. Nope.
16. A whole wide glorious world of nope.
17. Nope.
18. Bye.
19. Urgh
20. Schooooollll. 

October Contest

Yeah. We ain't swearing all month starting tomorrow. That's it.
Bye.

School Hack

E: How to feel like sh*t: go to school
CK: How to feel better: ditch school