Why I Am A Vampire

Good luck trying to figure out how much of this is ironic.  I wear creepy black clothing. Blood is pretty cool tbh. I hate garlic. I'm definitely a night person. If I wear enough lipstick, I'll look like I've been drinking blood. I am an old soul. I have the hair. Mirrors are not my friend. Neither are cameras. Urgh no. No fire. God no. My relationship with God. Dramatic monalogues. I'm trying to infect others, I swear. Capes. I'm pretty sure I have a friend who's a werewolf. I sparkle in the sun. I would totes lure lost travellers into...

Why I Hate Halloween

I like Halloween, but I also hate it. Everyone assumes I'm all about it because I'm relatively freaky. I threaten to kill people with stationery. Not the case. Here's why: Everyone dresses the way I dress every other day of the year.  I am no longer unique because of this. I get nothing. It's not an actual holiday. Do I get to stay home? No. Do I get a half day? No. I GET NOTHING. The decorations. Is that an actual skeleton or a real one. If it's real, can I have it. I always get really disappointed when I realise it's fake blood. I'm too...

Update On The Swearing Contest

Yeah, it's cancelled, because we swear wayyyy too mu...

E Gets Deep: When You're A Girl

when you're a girl you're told to smile when you're a girl you're told to stay silent told to hide told to be agreeable - told to keep the peace. when you're a girl you're told to stop fighting your brother. Your brother  isn't told to stop fighting you. when you're a girl you're told to be afraid. afraid of the dark afraid of saying something wrong afraid of standing out. because we are taught that our value is in how silent we can be. when you're a girl you're told to persevere to hide your pain to be agreeable to be soft to keep the...

Periods.

(to male readers.. sorry, I guess. Nope. I'm not sorry.) Girls have to handle periods. Fact of life. Sorry. But how does one avoid it? I have the answers right here. a) get pregnant then handle 18 years of a pain in the arse as well as your periods. b) get so unhealthy that it is physically impossible to have a period. c) wait for menopause... that's.... in your 50s. If you're lucky. d) die. This has been a comprehensive list of methods to avoid your period. I wish you luck in your future endeavou...

101 Things to Do

So lately I feel so unmotivated and sad and empty and unexciting. Here's a list of 101 things I want to do (hopefully I'll be able to check off most of them by the end of 2014). Get a skateboard and do an ollie! Run up an escalator the wrong way Make an origami crane.  Like someone and let them know (UPDATE: I might actually go through with this because I have no dignity left.) Write down an awesome dream and do something creative with it.  Feed that white tiger again!!  Make at least 3 videos! Learn to play and sing a song on the...

Things I Learnt In High School

Don't go to school if you're sick, it'll make you feel 123706427054x more sick. Don't miss school because then you'll fail everything. How to sleep in classes without teachers noticing. How to use your phone in class without teachers noticing. How to discreetly listen to music. Magical techniques to drink things that aren't water in class. The amount of concealer needed to cover the shadows. Don't bother combing your hair. I may be drunk/high/dead/sleep deprived, but I'm in class. No one likes you. I'm sorry. The amount of sugar essential to...

October Contest

Yeah. We ain't swearing all month starting tomorrow. That's it. By...

School Hack

E: How to feel like sh*t: go to school CK: How to feel better: ditch sch...

How To Take A Test

HOW TO TAKE A TEST (the entire process) as someone who took her PSATs today, I am very qualified for this. Yes. I am. Shut up. 1. Hold it off until the night before. 2. Study like hell. Give up halfway through and stalk attractive people's photos. 3. Receive a panicked call/text from a friend stressing about how hard the test is going to be, and decide to get back to it. 4. Stop the test to handle your screaming family. 5. Go back to your studying and forget what you just did. 6. Get a drink. 7. Stare at the page. 8. Make yourself a nutella sandwich. 9....

Types of People I Hate

Types Of People I Hate I was actually going to make this a 'Things I Hate' thing, but then I realised that I hate a lot of things, so I decided to split it up into people and things. 1. people who say 'OH YOU HAVE A PIMPLE' Obviously. i know it's there. I spent 20 minutes this morning trying to get rid of it, and this genius is there like 'HAR HAR HAR YOU HAVE A PIMPLE.' I know this, so shut the hell up. 2. people who demand things of me. 'HEY, DO YOUR HAIR DIFFERENTLY TOMORROW.' or the more 'subtle' one 'I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE...

13/476 Reasons Why We're Single -R

1. We turn Insidious 2, The Ward, The Haunting in Connecticut, basically any horror movie into a comedy. We also play the guitar and sing loudly during the suspenseful parts. 2. We see possible rape in every given situation. 3. We eat ice cream/popsicles that were made for couples alone, break said ice cream, and compare said ice cream to dicks. 4. When we find something hilarious, we tend to hit things (or people) because we cannot express what we feel in any other way. 5. We make sounds like airplanes and fire engines...I can't imagine what...

How To Not Fall Asleep In Class

How To Not Fall Asleep In Class Chances are, you're a teenager and are therefore lazy, or incredibly sleep deprived. And chances are, you're gonna wake up late. Be prepared for this. Take a freezing cold shower. This ensures maximum alertness so that you can experience the whole High School experience with increasing tuition bills! Remember, you are preparing yourself to pull a Steve Rogers and be frozen in ice for a long time as well as effectively waking you up. Your next step is to inhale as much sugar and caffeine as humanly...

Dear Writers

Please alert CK and CH about the existence of this. I don't want to have to do it. Thanks....

How To Hunt For A Boyfriend

How To Hunt For A Boyfriend Imagine you are at a party, and your friends have left you for their boyfriends. You are alone, and you are bored. The room smells like sweat, and it is far too warm. There are drinks spilt on the floor and it is very sticky. Everyone around you are couples dancing, or cuddling. Not nice, is it? What if you had a boyfriend too?             First, scan the area. Chances are, there will be people of the opposite gender, in this article it will be a boy. Scan your possibilities....