How To Hunt For A Boyfriend

How To Hunt For A Boyfriend

Imagine you are at a party, and your friends have left you for their boyfriends. You are alone, and you are bored. The room smells like sweat, and it is far too warm. There are drinks spilt on the floor and it is very sticky. Everyone around you are couples dancing, or cuddling. Not nice, is it? What if you had a boyfriend too?

            First, scan the area. Chances are, there will be people of the opposite gender, in this article it will be a boy. Scan your possibilities. Notice the details. It could be anyone, even that random guy who laughs for no reason with his eyes all crossed, or that guy who keeps eating the paper napkins and has no expression and chews with his mouth open

Then, select your prey. It is important to remember that this will be your boyfriend. If he is eating paper napkins, or laughing hysterically, perhaps you should select someone who behaves less like a goat or a crazy person. Remember, it is your boyfriend. However if you like that he is a crazy goat person, then go ahead. Just remember, he is your boyfriend and will be seen with you.  

            Now, stalk your prey, however do not let your prey know they are being followed. Follow Goat Guy on social websites, such as Twitter, or Facebook. Find out where he goes, and what he likes. Go where he goes, and watch him. What kind of person is he? Do not scare him away, or make sudden movements, such as commenting on his photos from 2001. Remember that this is part of the hunt. If you do scare him away, you will be back at step one.

            Do you have a good idea of your quarry now? Well, now you slowly close in on your prey. Talk to him, ask him about his interests (even if you know what they are due to the last step.) This is a way of preparing for the last, final, most important step.

            Now what is this extremely important step? It is quite simple, however it is probably the most terrifying. Corner your prey, and pounce. You could take this literally, however you may be sent away. I mean ‘pounce’ figuratively. Start talking about it, then ‘pounce’ with the question, you could ask him out. This is important, if you do not complete this step, Goat Guy will be “The One That Got Away.”

            It is very much like hunting actually.