13/476 Reasons Why We're Single -R

1. We turn Insidious 2, The Ward, The Haunting in Connecticut, basically any horror movie into a comedy. We also play the guitar and sing loudly during the suspenseful parts.

2. We see possible rape in every given situation.

3. We eat ice cream/popsicles that were made for couples alone, break said ice cream, and compare said ice cream to dicks.

4. When we find something hilarious, we tend to hit things (or people) because we cannot express what we feel in any other way.

5. We make sounds like airplanes and fire engines...I can't imagine what we'll sound like during labor.

6. We're judgmental hypocrites who reject people when they ask us out, only to complain about being single later on.

7. We cut our own hair...at school...with someone else's scissors.

8. We have crushes on animated/fictional characters and fangirl over them 24/7.

9. We roam around after school, buying smoothies and pole dancing at the middle school.

10. We open the sunroof, stand up and sing at the top of our lungs even though we are stuck in traffic and people are staring (I think it's been established that we have no dignity).

11. We think it is appropriate to act out Edgar Allan Poe's The Telltale Heart while one of us is sleeping.

12. Our laughs sound like dying walruses making love to each other one last time.

13. Our swearing mostly consists of the phrases "Bats**t insane", "Get me out of this f**k hole", "Whats**t", "Don't give a flying f**k" and my personal favorite, "Goat f**k".